words of wisdom

Oh yeah… University seems to be a BAD LUCK charm for me..From the time I entered to University I am simply struggling struggling struggling…. I dont know whats going on..I feels so depressed..

First entering into University was a struggle…. I took Bio un-necessarily and coldnt memorise a whole shit from that book, Algebra was totally screwed up first semester and my firstUniversity marks were very low…. Then I had to work twice as much to just get my mark to the acceptable level…That was done and I got into University! Hurray!….But hold on..

First semester was just nasty….. The civil course was a nightmare….All my profs were like witches and warlocks trying to boil me up in a potion….There was not a single Prof who I felt like studying for…their faces were simply dull and boring and they just made me hate university…. Their teaching methods were far beyond horrible….My peers seemed to not connect that much with me….Everything seemed like a never ending maze….OH Lord! Some how with a magic 50 for CIV I passed 1st semester….

Everybody was saying 2nd semester is easy becuase you passed 1st semester and all the courses are better… Oh yeah thats how I felt the first few weeks…. But then came that nightmare again which I thought I would never experience again…. All the profs who seemed nice at the beggining started to put on their nasty faces and started to teach the boring way…. Everyclass made me to sleep…..Again I felt I didnt connect with my peers… I just wanted to run… The minute the classes were done I just wanted to go home since I felt I do not belong in this crappy place….I have cried endless nights trying to figure out why I chose this Why or why! But the answer doesnt seems to reach me….But soemhow I had the feeling I would pass this…. But then came the final exams…. I studied the most for Calculus but thats what I struggled the most with…When I saw the paper I was speechless I knew that day that 2nd semester is not goign to finish that easy… Now the marks are up…. and thank you I DID fail Calculus…. Oh thanks again….I have to pay a freaking 830$ just to repeat my never ending nightmare….I am on probation as well Wow doesnt that make my day a little better…. My mums alright but my dad oh boy!…. He starts a convosation with soemthign else and ends it with my failed mark! Damn… wHY IS LIFE SUCH A STRUGGLE FOR ME… It hurts….I cannot cocnentrate on anythgin else except think about me my failing and my future and where I am gonna end up…. Am I going to be the disgrace in my family! Am I the ugly duckling…??….Every single relative is judging me….They dont appreciate me when I do somethign really well but they are always ready to complain and laugh at me when I am failign and struggling….

Oh lord…I am confused Depressed…I dont know who to talk so openly….I always wish that I could ask all my un-answered question form lord himself….I want to see him right now!….I want to knwo why I was born? to struggle so much? To cry everyday? To be a disgrace to my family? Do I have a future and what is it!….

Sorry for thsoe who read this becuase it totally depressing I know .. but i want it to be out of my mind atleast for some time…. I ll end it now…Good luck to the others!

P.S: After so much irritation tonight by my dad Ive decided to not talk to him….Seriously I am totally irritated…There is always a limit in what you can handle…He always appreciates one thats an Engineer or a Doctor I guess its my time to prove I am not any of that… If he has a problem with that then I am more than happy!