December 9, 2006
I am sitting alone in my living room watching a movie with dim lights on, on this cold winter night. And suddenly something makes me look around my self. Look around the living room. Look out through the window into the darkness of the night. Everything seems to mirror me.
My thoughts. My pain. My void.
Is this by love or hatred or loneliness. I dont know. But I know one thing for sure love is painful. Incredibly painful when it ends without reason. Loneliness is hell.
My body feeling incredibly tired mentally and physically from apprently doing nothing but just thinking. Thinking and Thinking. Thinking way too much. Thinking what? My future, My Life, The meaning of my life, things that repeatedly keep on happening to me. None of them makes sense. They are just giving me confusions after confusions and complications after complications. I dont see a beginning nor do I see an end. I cant even take a few minutes from my life to step aside and let it pass by leaving me alone. Atleast giving me some time to digest whats going on. My mind is going crazy. Crazy because of happiness? I wish! I really wish! I cant remember the last time I smiled genuinely from my heart to the people around me. All the smiles, All the joking the talking are a great way to escape, to mask my pain. Which sometimes feels like I am cheating my self.
But the best medicine that keeps me away from all this chaos SLEEP. Oh I wish I can sleep all day. It doest mean getting to sleep is easy. Nor it makes to wake up! Everything is a struggle.
I want an end. End to the pain, to the tears, to the loneliness, to the void, the tiredness of thinking, the pain of being me. END IT ALL! I dont want to be inbetween. I want just an END.
I WANT TO HUG YOU!!!
i understand the feeling.
even though you may not believe me.
your blog is incredibly emo though…
emo parthi.
i like it.
i like it!
Satya xXx
Comment by satya — December 9, 2006 @ 6:29 pm
Hey, what’s the problem???
What’s really bothering you?
Ending your life or even thinking about such an absurd thing is really crazy…. What are you gonna gain out of it??? NOTHING
Take a step back to be thankful for all that you have got… why don’t you speak to someone about all your anxieties, fears and frustrations. Try and pour your heart out (either by writing or by speaking… I do both as well… my asylum is my diary and my best friend) and get all those negativities out of your system coz otherwise it’s just gonna bring you down.
If you have the time read the book named “Screw it, Let’s Do It” which is written by Richard Branson, it’s short and sweet and if gives you for thought. (Just read it… don’t come to any conclusions before reading it)
Life is not easy at all it has it’s ups and downs but we have to strive hard to live life to its fullest. I know that sometimes it’s easier said than done coz some days for me too are really shitty and it really gets to me but I guess that’s part and parcel of life. That’s what’s makes us stronger…..
So Try…. And keep trying………….None of us are perfect in this world.
Im here if you need anyone to chat to or pour your heart out to.
I hope that life will treat you better.
Comment by Angel Eyes — December 11, 2006 @ 4:15 am
I agree
talk about it
it helps
please dont kill yourself!
Satya xXx
Comment by satya — December 11, 2006 @ 10:55 pm
Yo Parthi,
this post got me into tears….
why are you thinking so much?
only thing i know is that u’re lonely & and u think that there is no one to care about you. Dude!!! i’m there for you (if you consider me as a best pal).
Knowing the start and the end is not going to be quite usefull. All that matters is whats going on. If u know the starting and the ending of life, then there’s no point of living.
Complication occurs when you think too much, which then turns out to be confusion.
Sometimes parthz, stuff happens for the good, you may think its bad, and that this is the end of life, but its not. If all the stuff that happens is to be taken as a bad, then i might have not been alive by now.
Yoy’re still young, there is more that you can achieve, than what people think.
Sometimes u have to be selfish. If people ignore you, ignore them the next time you see them. At least once in a life time they’ll regret what they did, and what a great person they missed.
Being lonely without anyone who is close to you, is HELL! But if there are people around you and you still feel lonely, i dunno what to call that. Sleep is not going to stop everything dude! once you wake up you’ll feel even more terrible.
Best way is to control your mind, and reduce this emotional feeling. One who carries his heart on his chest at all times will be easy prey for the enemy, or will be taken advantage in the name of help, and will be returned with non-heartful thanks. Dont ask how i kow these and i shall not lie. I know coz i know it.
Keep your mind free mate.
I’m here if you need to talk with.
& for “GOD’s SAKES” COME ONLINE!!
I miss u!! Didnt talk to u for a long time…
I also need some one to talk with…
Take care!!
-June-
Comment by Arjuna — December 12, 2006 @ 5:59 pm
the first paragraph sounds like something I’d write:P but I’d have to admit though, it does sound a bit on the emo side.
forget about restraining our emotions. we are humans, we need emotions. feeling lonely, depressed, upset, is just as beautiful as being in elation and delightfulness. enjoy every second of your emotions because that is life.
of cousre, I’m not saying your being sad makes me happy - you know it’s not what I mean. but just cherish life, and we’ll talk very soon over dinner, I’m sure.
Comment by Sof — December 16, 2006 @ 6:00 am