words of wisdom

I previously wrote a post on how believing in your self and your destination truly and 100% makes that belief or dream happen. But for some reason or the other I felt that in our culture you are never taught about or given this spirit during our child hood or any phase of our life by our parents or teachers or even religion ( I am only talking about Hinduism). I’m sure some parents have done this but mine didn’t I should say or thats what I remember. Most of the parents in our culture spend so much energy preaching us study study study and life is all about going to university getting married having kids but they fail to preach about self acceptance and belief and anything can be achieved in life by simply believing in you and your destination and when you have the true passion for it.

This aspect of our culture and religion really bugged me. Bugged me so much that I was keept on thinking why is it this way in our life? You open a Religious text book and all you find is a bunch of people who opened doors by singing Thevarams and curing illnesses by simply applying Veebuthi. And before the religious examination all we do is cram a bunch of Thevarams and just know which Star the Nayanmar was born in, while we don’t even know our star or don’t know why the hell we have to learn these but simply for getting good marks. The worst part is we make fun of India for not teaching religion in their schools while we simply teach the Hindu version of Harry Potter in our classes and feel entirely proud by knowing a bunch of Thevarams and have no clue what the true meaning of our religion is and complain about how so many people are converting to Christianity and have no respect to their born religion what so ever. Stupid isn’t it? Well thats what I think.

Utter stupidity that we have everything in our religion and culture but have no clue how to execute it or simply not bothered but have so much fun complaining. I’m really disappointed the way a Hindu Temple currently functions where all the Iyer does is memorize a bunch of Sanskrit god knows what they mean and just pour milk and honey and just send us back with smiles and some coconuts and bananas. Well the package increases with more money you give.

But what I found out is a lot of things you do in the Temple is all about making your belief stronger and bringing the courage within you that things you wish for can happen. And that you are not only alone in this journey but asking the god you believe in for assistance. No clue how that works?

Think about it. All the archanais we do. The Ghee lamps we light. The nethikadans we do. The vows we make. And all the other minor kiriyas we do. Its all about making your self believe that god is with you just keep on believing. When we do a archanai what do we do? we tell our name and star and what do we hope from that? That we shall live well in our life. What do we do when we say we’ll crack 100 coconuts if this event takes place or my sickness gets cured? Why do we go light ghee lamps hoping god will hear our prayers? God is all around us? why do we have to go to the Temple and do it? Well its about making your mind focused into your destination and just tell your self be strong i’m doing this kiriya hoping that one day it will come true because lighting this lamp calls the god to be with me. And think about Yoga and meditation. What is its main principle? what does it want you to gain from it? It helps you to be focused so that your destination can be well traveled. I was listening to this interview where they were talking about the real meaning of conducting a Yaagam. A Yaagam is usually done when you want certain things happening and you ask a priest to conduct it for you where he builds up a flame in the temple and puts in certain things in it while saying some mantras. But what is it all about? When you do the Yaagam your mind and body is totally focussed on your destination therefore its making your body tune it self to reach the destination. And each Yaagam has its own set of things that goes in the fire and what do they do? Well the smoke that comes from burning certain things help stimulate certain places in your body which in return gives you this energy to work for what you want.

So common. We have all these aspects but why or why do we fail to realize, preach or understand it and make good use of our religion than worrying which star certain saint was born and what raagam a Thevaram was sung in. We need a change. Our religious books are just garbage. Our preaching about life is wrong. Life should be about dreaming, dreaming big, believing , believing in your destination and achieving in it rather than a set of rules that you follow generations to generations and have life be conducted by someone else rather than your self. Religion in about believing in you. Believe in your self. Dream big!

Believing in your self and the things you do is something that a lot of people have hard time doing. You might want things that you do right now to go heights that are quite hard to reach or places that are not easy to get to, and make certain events take place that are not currently happening. It might seem quite weird but to be honest believing in that destination always creates the path to reach it no matter what the destination is. Its not about saying I want to become rich person one day but its all about believing in your self every single day that you will reach it and also doing your part of the work too. People might shatter your belief saying its the most stupidest thing one can imagine and make you feel bad and try to change what you believe, but pushing them aside and just keeping your head up high saying what you believe will come true one day take you where ever you want. Trust me, its true, I am writing this post after experiencing such an event and I feel like I can shape up my own life, my own future how ever I want by truly believing in my self and working hard at it as well. People have said the weirdest things about my belief that affected me when they said it but I quickly moved on and just thought about my destination not bothering about the path or the struggles I need to face. And it worked and it worked out even more than what I can imagine and I am really happy about it. I really am.

Therefore believe in you, believe 100% or more in your belief, maybe the destination is unheard of, or totally out of the order, but it can be created with only you, with only your belief. Hard working is the 2nd step. People might laugh at you, insult you but as long as you feel what you do is right it is always the right thing. Another secret to believing is believe in what you want…not what you don’t want! Trust me!

here i stand confused
looking around me,
here i stand bruised
seeking for key

its no key thats
gold or silver
oh dont bother
it doesnt have a shape
and i do quiver

its all black and white
in this maze around me
no laughter, no joy
just long lost love
and mind killing pain
running all over
like a mad man
hitting thorn after thorn
im just in vain

im deserted
no hand to hold
im calling out
no soul that unfolds
im weeping all over
washing my dull face
hoping for some success
oh.. im all over the place!

i will fight this battle
ill make my dreams
come true
ill scare those
bad omens
my pains and all? ADIEU!

I went for a haircut today and the lady who cut my hair (whos white) started asking me what I do and so on. Then eventually she started talking about her son and she said how he was really interested in doing Mechanical Engineering but suddenly during grade 12 he had this sudden interested in becomming a chef and now hes studying to be a CHEF! Holy smokes..she also said eventhough her son is really good when it comes to math and he always had interests in mechanical things his natural talent was being a good cook so when her son told that she was more than happy as he was following his heart! And then I said man thats like two opposite poles and its very unbelievable for me and she said yeah true but he enjoys it plus it has a great demand, and that its not the career you choose its all about doing the career you love and be able to be greatful about it even after certain years and making the mark of your own in it!

This chat I had today kept on resonating in me all day today which made me write this post. I was like that guy is so lucky to have parents who support him so much. I imagined myself going to my parents and saying mum, dad I love engineering and I love math but my heart tells me to follow my dream of becomming a chef and without a second wasted my dad would have screamed at me yelled at me he will even say he got so hurt and I am pretty sure he wont eat that day. And then I will have to APOLOGISE for thinking that way and then just go with engineering to please him and my so called “relatives”. Well actually thats what I am doing right now. I am not in the correct career path but I am doing it for my parents. Last summer after my marks were low I was crying and yelling at them for making me doing engineering and that my passion is somewhere else and my dad was completly upset. And mind you I was only saying I wanted to do a Business degree not becomming a chef! But then he called my uncle who supposedly has a PhD and that guy started ranting about how I was the first person to go to university as I am the eldest of my cousins and I shouldnt set such a bad example for my younger cousins of changing career choices! I am nto setting a bad example! I am telling them do what you LOVE! heavens!
Oh fuck! Well I am still stuck with engineering!

What is it with brown parents? seriously? No one survives if you dont become an engineer or a doctor? The worlds richest person is a doctor? no engineer? NOOO he doesnt even have a degree! One day a person interviewed Oprah winfrey and asked how she managed to become the top and the first black billionaire, she answered I do what I love and what my heart tells me therefore I am able to pour 1000% percent to what I am doing therefore I am successful. In order for you to be successful you do what you LOVE! Not do something that others want you to do!

I was chatting with my friends in Lanka the other day and what he told me just pissed me off. Everyone wants to become a doctor in Colombo and they are going to lands you have never heard of. They are all saying they are goign to Latvia, Czech republic, Belarus and all those un- heard countries just to do medicine since its cheap! WTF! This is crazy! When will we learn? Why are we always deprived of what we want? Just becuase my relatives is going to treat me good I have to become a doctor or engineer? NOOO.. I want to do what I love to do. I dont want to wear my hard hat and sit in a office or site just waiting when will my day end so I can get out of this crap!

I am praying this trend should change. This mentality should change. This is unfair for the children. They have so many talents that are just getting wasted. Passions that are been ignored. We are losing our Bill Gates and Oprah Winfrey and people who can make a huge impact to the world since we are all busy becomming doctors and engineers and not very successful in it! So I am prayign for a change! Atleast our generation should realise this, step up and do something about it. Enough shattered dreams and boring jobs you dont like to do. DO what you love and then you’ll see success and you will be on TOP OF THE WORLD!

Woken up by the shine of sun? Oh its not me..
Woken by the thoughts of you
the love for you I carry
When the rest of the world
begins with a yawn and stretch
I just begin with a smile,
of your charming sketch
deep inside
my mind
Oh god
what joy!

From dawn till dusk
playing with the
memories I have
of you from the past,
the present,
the future of course.
Smiling with passion
crying with you
of compassion
But being there
with you foremost
Ill be your phoenix
flaming bright
with your love,
healing every wound
of yours
with tears of mine
I swear!

Before I sleep
I look into the night,
the calm silent night
and make a wish
to the stars so bright!
that you and me
with smiles so wide
will spread love hope and joy
to this world so it can enjoy
and close my eyes to kiss goodnight
and be with you on sweet dream tonight!

A long journey, a wonderful journey, a journey full of love and passion, a journey that never felt tiresome or boring, a journey that I never wanted to end. A journey that I wanted to tread in every birth I take. Every breath I breathe! Every beat that my heart makes! A journey so special and sacred that gave me every strength to fight for it! A journey that I sometimes called God since I worshipped , looked up to and wanted to be with every moment of my life. A journey that had the smile of a new born, strength of a roaring lion, sweetness of nectar, brightness of the sun and above all the creation of something heavenly!

I know its pain, I know its suffering, I know its just living dead, but I had no choice nor could I control my self but to watch this journey get muddy by the tears of it self. no cloth to wipe, no lap to rest, no love that can kiss goodnight! I am standing now with guilt and shame no words to say except SORRY!

As all of you know or realised by now that life is a cycle. One day you are Happy and the other day you are Sad, one day rich and the other day poor, one day is filled with love and passion and the other is just anger and depression! Its all a cycle you never know what will happen next or as a human have the ability to magically turn it around!

I have been going through alot of hardships lately and other than complaining about it and saying how could this happen to me I also rant about how it was becuase of this person I am feelign down and only becuase of that person I feel so depressed! I just blame it on everybody else saying they were responsible for what I am going through today and the only thign I did was the right thing! But I think a few events that happened to me within the course of this week enlightened me alot! I should say alot! I dont know If I have put it in practice but I know one thing for sure I have started to take my life through that path!

And what is this path? YOU are responsible for what you go through your life! Maybe its the smallest thing you did and you totally forget about or its the biggest blunder you ever did. Its all you! YOU AND YOU! Sometimes the smallest things you do bring the biggest disasters and the biggest thing you do bring the smallest of all disasters.. But thats not my point. Anything you go through is all becuase of you! Dont blame it on others! You are responsible for your own actions not others!

Another lesson I learnt was stop revolving about the negative aspects of life. The losses in life. The pain in life. The more you revolve around them the more you are going to be suffering throughout it without an end. And the more you revolve around sadness the more sadness you are going to experience. Not the other way around! Being negative about things and complaining about things or crying over what had happened is not going to do any good! MOVE ON! Look at what you have not what you dont have. Maybe you dont have what someone else has but at the same time theres so many people out there who are way more happy with the fraction of what you have!

So heres the deal! Be positive! Be happy! Even if sad thigns keep on happening take it as a challenge and dela with it and work hard to get over it rather than complaining! To finish off I think this quote has so much meaning to it:

“OBSTACLES ARE WHAT YOU SEE WHEN YOU TAKE YOUR EYES OFF YOUR GOAL”

Seriously I am debating with myself and everybody else in the world, Is it right to love someone? I dont mean just romantically but any form of love that can possibly exists. For me when someone says he loves someone that means it can be defined in three different ways. One, love towards a girl/ guy who has the potential to become a life partner, love towards your friends that doesnt involve the romantic and sexual aspect, and finally the love towards your parents. Lets ignore the love towards God for this argument.

You love someone when that person has made a huge impact in your life or their personality simply intrigues you and you want to learn more from them and be part of their life for the rest of your life. When it comes to parents its all about the unconditional love they provide to you no matter what sacrifices they made in their life and its the respect and gratitude that you show towards them. Most of the time love towards your parents comes without forced, so does love towards others but in the sense of parents its more natural.

But my argument is loving someone the right thing to do? Think about it, how do you feel when someone you love so unconditionally just says to you “this is the END”? How does it feel when someone you love to death just doesnt even have the time to say goodbye as they have to answer the call of nature and be burned to ashes or be rotten with the soil? How does it feel when you have to say good bye to your loved one and just move on to a new place where everythign is simply new? How does it feel when you love somone just forgetting who you are but at the end that person loves some one else? Sometimes how does it feel when you love and pour love onto someone but they dont realise it nor do they have the gratitude towards you but just walks away without even a gesture and totally forget you? The simply answer is its a PAIN.

This pain is nothing like breaking a bone, or burning your skin, or cutting your finger. This is the pain that just kills you day by day. The more you think about it the more you cry, you feel lonely, lost and feel the void in your life. It just hurts! Anybody who witnessed a parent die how do you feel? It must feel cursed! Anybody who saw a friend you loved move away how do you feel? So lonely and miserable!

Then why love? I think Ive witnessed it ALOT in my life, and I think so does a majority of people that the more you love someone the more they leave you! The more you care about someone the more they hurt you. Then why the hell do you need to provide all these comfort? Why do you need to love someone? care about someone ? just sacrifice youself for the sake of someone? They are going to leave someday arent they? Then why? Give me an answer people I really want to know! Is loving someone the right thing to do? Or just ignore everything around you and live as a monk and be as selfish as possible and not need to provide love, or care the best thing to do? Well you wont get hurt or feel betrayed would you? Answer me people plz!

“Its the world famous Kodak Theatre, sitting mightily in the fame of Hollywood. Home to the Oscars for the last few years, so as today. I walk through the red carpet waving at people I hardly know and dodging camera flashes into my eye. I am slowly escorted back stage where I meet my colleagues, my fellow singers, famous singers, fellow instrumentalist and of course my Guru, my mentor my Idol, ARRahman! Today is a special day for us. Not only for us for the whole Indian music phenomena. For the first time an Indian song has been chosen to be performed during Oscar night. Its none other than the famous duet by Lata Mangehkar and my Guru himself, Luka Chuppi from Rang De Basanti. Its a classic! evergreen classic! A song to cherish for generations to come. But this night the song thats going to open more doors in Hollywood for Indian Music.

Its time. The screens open side ways. I feel the applause of thousands of people, but I cant see them, I see flashes here and there but otherwise I am lost in nervousness, shivering sitting in the high stool with the guitar in my hands. I am sweating in this air conditioned hall. I start plucking on the strings here goes the song! The maestro smiling at me. She has done her singing now its my turn to reach those high notes. I sing. I keep on singing. Closing my eyes and feeling the song so deeply. We sing continuously until we reach the last part where the svaras come. We exchange smiles, the maestro, Mangeshkar and me and set out voices in it. Its amazing. I can feel it! The maestro joining in with us. Oh what an incredible feeling. How special to be part of history in the making! The song end. Its a huge success. The applauses, the smiles form the audiences the feel of the room, everythign feels right, special, we rocked it! Just like the movie it self. We painted Hollywood Yellow with the indian Turmeric! We helped create one history today for many more to come in future! Oh I wouldnt hesitate to die today. I feel fullfilled!”

That is a dream…that I am dreaming these days from the time I heard Rahmans song has been selected for the Oscars! What a dream.. What a feeling. I want to witness this history in the making March 2007!

I am sitting alone in my living room watching a movie with dim lights on, on this cold winter night. And suddenly something makes me look around my self. Look around the living room. Look out through the window into the darkness of the night. Everything seems to mirror me.
My thoughts. My pain. My void.

Is this by love or hatred or loneliness. I dont know. But I know one thing for sure love is painful. Incredibly painful when it ends without reason. Loneliness is hell.

My body feeling incredibly tired mentally and physically from apprently doing nothing but just thinking. Thinking and Thinking. Thinking way too much. Thinking what? My future, My Life, The meaning of my life, things that repeatedly keep on happening to me. None of them makes sense. They are just giving me confusions after confusions and complications after complications. I dont see a beginning nor do I see an end. I cant even take a few minutes from my life to step aside and let it pass by leaving me alone. Atleast giving me some time to digest whats going on. My mind is going crazy. Crazy because of happiness? I wish! I really wish! I cant remember the last time I smiled genuinely from my heart to the people around me. All the smiles, All the joking the talking are a great way to escape, to mask my pain. Which sometimes feels like I am cheating my self.
But the best medicine that keeps me away from all this chaos SLEEP. Oh I wish I can sleep all day. It doest mean getting to sleep is easy. Nor it makes to wake up! Everything is a struggle.

I want an end. End to the pain, to the tears, to the loneliness, to the void, the tiredness of thinking, the pain of being me. END IT ALL! I dont want to be inbetween. I want just an END.